IT Guys

Over 20 or so years, I’ve ran into a lot of IT guys, because of course, I’m an IT guy.  Some were great and some were not so great, both in technical ability and personality.  The other day, I was watching a video on YouTube about pickup basketball stereotypes, which got me thinking about IT guy stereotypes, hence the inspiration for writing this post.  If you’re an IT guy or gal reading this post and you fall into one of these stereotypes, I’d love to hear from you (or perhaps I missed one).  If you’re not an IT guy, I’d love to hear about which of these jokers you have to deal with on a regular or semi-regular basis.  And based on who it is, I bid you condolences or congratulations.

The Genius IT Guy:  The Genius is the Golden Ticket of IT guys.  If you have a Genius in your life, this is a really good person to know, because they can troubleshoot and fix anything.  This guy can literally see data traveling over ethernet cable and flying through the air over wireless.  He is the last line of defense when it comes to problem solving.  If he can’t fix it, no one can.  But he always does, because he is that good.  Typically, they are a little (or a lot) antisocial and awkward with just a touch of paranoia (direct quote from a Genius:  “It’s not paranoia if it’s true”).  Plus, he typically has some interesting hobbies outside of work (not just computers).  My personal favorite.

I’m Smart And You’re Stupid IT Guy:  Your company can’t run without him….and he knows it.  There are a lot of these types out there unfortunately with varying degrees of conceitedness.  Why do you think “Nick Burns, Your Company’s Computer Guy” was such a successful sketch on Saturday Night Live?  This guy thinks he is God’s gift to technology.  And you’re a moron.  I really dislike this guy, but frankly, does anyone like this guy?  Just watch a Nick Burns SNL video and you’ll get it.  MOVE!!!

Your Brother-in-law’s Uncle’s Cousin Twice Removed IT Guy:  I love running into these guys.  No formal training, home grown, self taught through trial and error, and love building their own PCs (the first PC they built, they fried the processor because they didn’t put thermal paste between the processor and heat sink…in full disclosure, the first PC I ever opened up, I yanked out an ISA card while the computer was still on = puff of smoke).  The only network they’ve ever been successful with, is their own home network.  But damn it, this guy sure tries.  You gotta love the effort.  Just don’t let this guy on your computer/network if at all possible.

My OS Is Better Than Yours IT Guy:  A Linux or Unix guy (typically), or an Apple guy, but never a Windows guy.  It doesn’t matter that their operating system is only used by 3% of the population.  Perhaps a little counter culture, perhaps a little “I know something you don’t know”.  If this guy says something like, “You should have Linux as your desktop” or “Macs don’t get viruses”, you’ll know you’ve ran into this stereotype.

The Complainer IT Guy:  Also known as It’s Not My Problem, It’s Not My Job IT Guy.  This is one lazy son of a gun and gives you all the reasons why something can’t be done.  And a big-time whiner.  Complains all the time.  And solutions?!  Yea right.  This guy is too busy complaining to give out solutions.  There is only person I dislike more than I’m Smart And You’re Stupid IT Guy, and it’s The Complainer.

I’d Rather Be Brewing Beer IT Guy:  Usually a well rounded IT guy that would prefer to be brewing beer than dealing with user issues.  This is a good guy to know because they like to bring in the results of their home brew libations.  This can be good and bad depending on how good of a brewer they are.  They either make some pretty good suds or they make panther piss.

Mr. Perfect IT Guy:  He’s smart (not as smart as the Genius, just one or two steps below), somewhat good looking, good communicator and good personality.  We all wish we could be like Mr. Perfect.  A lot of times, he’s in sales (technical sales or sales engineer).  If you’re a non-technical person, you love Mr. Perfect, but if you’re technical, Mr. Perfect kinda makes you want to throw up.

The Grump IT Guy:  This IT guy woke up on the wrong side of the IT bed….when he was born.  I think this guy wanted to be Bob Ross, but for some reason, he got into technology.  And typically, he’s an old school Cobol or Fortran programmer that now has to deal with GUIs, users, and Windows.  He wishes he could go back to the old days rather than dealing with all this new crap, or better yet, he’d like to be painting happy trees like Bobby.

This just in…”AT&T to wed T-Mobile. Following the ceremony there will be no reception.”  You guessed it, I’m the Comedian IT Guy.

Well, there you have it.  Again, let me know if I’ve missed anyone and hope you got a chuckle out of this.

Happy Computing!